Shingeki no Geass
by Project CluClu
Summary: "And on that day, humanity received a grim reminder. We lived in fear of the Titans and were disgraced to live in these cages we called walls."
1. Raise the Gates

**Raise the Gates**

The 55th Expedition Beyond the Walls (pt. I)

* * *

"Commander." The soldier saluted as he drew up besides his leader. "It's almost time, sir."

"Are the squads prepared for deployment?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alert the captains."

"Yes, sir."

As the man trotted away, Lelouch vi Britannia, the 11th commander of the Survey Corps, the men and women who chose to stake all for the sake of humanity, shifted in the saddle of his coal black horse. It snorted, shifting from hoof to hoof in excitement – it would be Julius and his twenty-first expedition beyond the walls, and though this was only supposed to be a practice run for the new recruits, and though he was a seasoned soldier, he could never shake off the apprehension crawling under his skin whenever he stood in front of the gates. Especially since it was C.C.'s first expedition since she had rejoined the Survey Corps.

He suppressed the urge to look back. Nothing would be accomplished by glancing over his shoulder, save for adding fuel to the fire. Besides, he had done the best he could have done, given the situation. He had tried and tried again for years to persuade her to retire, arguing that it was the perfect opportunity to leave the army and put distance between her life and immediate danger. No one would blame her, he would told her, if she chose to stay home and care for her children. Everyone knew how precious her children were to her, to any mother, and no one would sneer or mock her for making such a decision. But she would only push past him, replying that she had chosen to devote herself to humanity, had sworn to sacrifice her life if need be, and that she was a woman of her word and intended to keep her promise. As for the subject of her going on an expedition again, Lelouch had refused to discuss with her. How he had managed to evade the subject for three years, he himself didn't even know, but all he knew was that he didn't want C.C. to put her life in any more danger than it already was in.

But she would constantly and persistently bring it up, refusing to allow for the issue to be so blatantly ignored, until one night, he finally snapped and told her that, as her commanding officer, he would make sure that she was never to step out of the walls. C.C.'s eyes had widened with disbelief before turning hard with bone-deep anger. She had waited patiently to fully return to her original position, but the days had turned into weeks, which had turned into months and years, and she no longer possessed the patience to withstand his selfishness. So she fought.

He knew that she understood his reasoning. He gave her that much – his wife wasn't stupid or ignorant of others' perspectives. She could understand his reasoning. Hell, she probably agreed with him to a certain degree. But understanding to a certain degree wasn't enough. Being a member of the Survey Corps wasn't enough, being cast aside on expeditions wasn't enough for her, so she fought him. She fought for control of her own life, for her own person, and he fought back. They were locked in a power struggle, which was only made worse with the absence of their children, who had gone to stay with Aunt Euphie for the evening. It only meant that they didn't have to restrain themselves as they were usually forced to and that they could argue as violently and as loudly as much as they damn well pleased.

It had gone on for hours until C.C., deciding that she had had enough of him for one evening, scathingly told him how he was no longer the ally of humanity, but the enemy, before grabbing her cloak to leave. He had grabbed her arm, and she had growled at him to let go of her. When he hadn't, she had looked back, only to see the bleak expression on his face and realized that he was shaking not from anger, but from fear. Fear for her, fear for the fates of their children if their mother and father were both to go beyond the walls. Fear that they too would join their fallen comrades and leave behind their son and daughter in the cruel world they were trapped in.

Her icy glare melted, and her bag fell to the ground as she turned around to face him before gently cupping his face with her hands.

What was the point, she finally asked him after a long moment of silence, of sitting in the shadows, scared out of her wits? What was the point of letting her comrades and friends fight, the point of becoming a soldier if she threw away all of those years of blood, sweat, and tears just so she could live in comfort? But most importantly, what kind of a mother would she be if she didn't fight to make a better world for her children? He fell silent as she told him how she was going so that she could make the world a safer place, not just for humanity, but for her son and daughter whom she loved so much, for her beloved family, how she was struggling and making sacrifices so that their children wouldn't have to. She knew that he couldn't say anything, since that was the very same reason why he had chosen to take up the mantle of freedom's wings, and Lelouch knew she knew. So he had let go of her arm and given in after three years, miserable with himself for caving in to her dangerous wish.

But Lelouch was as stubborn as his wife was, and had placed her squad in the center of the last few ranks of the Corps' formation the day following their last argument. She would be well-protected there, and shouldn't have to encounter any Titans. She had been angry with him when she had found out – he had seen the way her brows had furrowed together and the way her gaze became flinty despite her salute – but if she was going to go beyond the walls, then she was at least going to go beyond the walls flanked by skilled soldiers.

It was selfish of him to manipulate the formation to suit his personal agenda. But even if C.C. had trained until near collapse to return her body and skill to the way it had been before her maternity leave, her going on an expedition burdened his shoulders with a nearly insufferable weight. So, as selfish was it was, he had placed her in the one place he knew would let her return home on her own two feet.

"Commander."

His train of thought interrupted, Lelouch glanced over to his right, where Kallen Kozuki, the captain of the fifth squad, was on standby. Her raised eyebrow told him all he needed to know – that she was questioning his ability to lead the expedition. Many knew of his marriage to C.C., but very, very few were privy to the happenings in the Commander's household. Unfortunately for Lelouch, Kallen was one of those select few due to her connection to Nunnally, and thus was also one of those select few who knew that today's expedition was troubling him far more than any other normal venture would have. He merely brushed her skeptical stare off as he vaguely listened to the troops behind him roar with adrenaline. The townspeople crowding the sides of the streets and the rooftops, the windows and balconies of homes, exploded with cheers in response as the order for the gate to be lifted was given.

Julius shook his mane as the ground rumbled underneath and the monstrous barrier separating humanity from certain extinction rose. Lelouch inhaled once before slowly letting out his breath. It would serve him well to get over C.C.'s decision. It was too late to do anything about it now, and he refused to allow his personal emotions to take precedence over the lives of men and women who willingly entered the lion's den upon his order. He would continue appeasing to her – he wasn't going to go down without a fight – but for now, for the time being, until they were all safely behind the walls once more, it would serve not just him, but these soldiers well to forgo his personal issues.

The moment the ground ceased to shake, Julius reared backwards with a shrill neigh, and the 11th Commander of the Survey Corps, the men and women who chose to stake all for the sake of humanity, announced the beginning of the 55th expedition beyond the walls amidst waving banners and the cheers of thousands. The ground trembled once more as Julius's hooves slammed down to the ground and the Corps moved out.

As the soldiers thundered down the pathway, each hoped and prayed that the next step towards humanity's salvation would need to be paid with the blood of their friends, comrades, and family, for each and every vividly remembered that day, and how mankind had received a grim reminder, a reminder of how they lived in fear of the Titans and were disgraced to live in the cages they called walls.


	2. To You, 2000 Years From Now

**To You, 2000 Years From Now**

Fall of Shiganshina (pt. I)

* * *

"Attention!"

The coarse racket of 50 wooden chair legs scraping against the floor echoed throughout the dimly lit dining hall as men and women rose in unison.

"Salute our commander!" stiffly barked the Deputy Commander.

Marianne vi Britannia tucked a stray strand of raven hair behind her ear as she glanced around the room – everyone looked extremely tired and worn. It was late in the evening, and after a long day of hard work, even she, the commander, wanted nothing more than to shuffle off to bed and curl up under her fluffy, warm blankets. But when her sharp eyes settled on the uptight Deputy-Commander, and the austere expression on his face, she couldn't help but let out a giggle.

"My, my, there's no need to be so formal. This is only a tiny meeting squeezed in on the eve of an expedition. In fact, why are any of us in uniform? We should be in our pajamas right now, fast asleep and resting for the big trip tomorrow. Physical preparation is just as important as mental preparation, Deputy."

"Permission to speak, ma'am."

"Permission granted." Marianne bit her lip to stop her smile from growing any wider – honestly, sometimes he was just so ridiculously strait-laced.

"With all due respect, Commander, I feel that you haven't prepared the senior officers well enough, as some are not as fully informed and aware of tomorrow's objective as they should be."

"The objective hasn't changed, Deputy. It's the same it's always been. Tomorrow, we are going to check on the outpost we've been working to establish for the past several months. As for what everyone will be doing there, I'm sure not even you can nitpick on that, Deputy, since you yourself made sure that each and every squad leader was acutely aware of what their squad is responsible for."  
He colored, his bright red ears standing out even in the low lamplight, but made no protest as she adjourned the meeting and relieved everyone of the late-night meeting. When the enormous room emptied out, and the last of the heavy footfalls faded away, Marianne beckoned for her deputy commander.  
"Follow me."  
It wasn't until they were in her bedroom, with the door closed tight so that no one could possibly eavesdrop (although everyone was probably in bed already, having collapsed with fatigue), when she turned around to face him.  
"Was that necessary, Lelouch darling?"  
"You've already exceeded the estimated body count for this quarter. We lose any more, and the civilians will look on us unfavorably. And you know as well as I do what happens when the townspeople are unhappy with us."  
"We get a few nasty glares, the food isn't as good as it was, the trainees are scared off and we don't get any recruits. I'm well aware of what happens when the townspeople are upset. Don't underestimate me simply because it seems like you're doing all of the work."  
"Commander, I—"  
She shushed him. "Do you remember what I told you, Lelouch, after you first joined the Survey Corps all those years ago?"  
He remained silent, his face hidden by the dark shadows of the moon.  
"What did I tell you, darling?"  
"… That the moment I step over the threshold of your quarters, I'm no longer your subordinate soldier, but your son."  
"So you remember. But if you remember, why aren't you doing as I asked?"  
He said nothing – he knew, sooner or later, his mother was going to back on her own word and treat him the way a leader would to an inferior – so he simply stood without speaking as she slipped her nightgown over her head and sat down on the edge of the bed. He waited until she finished brushing her hair before saying, "I have a proposal."  
She completely ignored him and changed the subject of the unfinished conversation by asking, "Would you like to sleep together, darling, like we used to when you were younger?"  
"No, thank you," he replied stiffly.  
"Ah, that's right. Silly me. You'd much rather prefer sharing a bed with C2 than your old mother, wouldn't you?"  
"… I don't know what you're talking about."  
"Oh, I'm not blind, darling. You don't think we can't see the way you two look at each other?"  
"We? Who's we?"  
"Why, the Survey Corps, of course. Don't you know, there's a running bet on when you're going to propose to her. The highest bid goes to… I think it goes to Suzaku. Or was it Kallen? I can't quite remember… But I'm sure it's one or th—"  
Her words were abruptly cut off as she suddenly doubled over from a fit of hacking coughs. Lelouch rushed to his mother, who waved him off as if to say that she was fine and didn't need his help. Gasping for breath, she reached for the glass of water sitting on the bedside table and drank until the very last drop fell over the rim and onto her lips. As she daintily wiped her mouth with a napkin, Lelouch studied his mother and realized how old and frail she looked. As of late, her health had been failing her, though only a select few knew this. The dark circles under her eyes were prominent, and her smiling eyes now looked more like she was wincing in pain. She often had those terrible coughing fits, and once, nearly passed out from exhaustion even though she had only risen from her seat. The doctor had told them on the several occasions he had either dragged or cornered her that she needed to rest her body and that she shouldn't have to do anything that required excessive exertion. The doctor had even gone as far as suggesting that Marianne retire – now that she was getting in on her age, and had had a lengthy and illustrious career as a soldier of the Survey Corps and Marianne the Flash, the famed Titan Slayer and the fastest user in the history of three-dimensional maneuver gear, it was time to step down from the pedestal and let the younger generations take over. But the Flash was never one to lay in bed all day long and let others do what she could easily accomplish thrice as fast. So she had disregarded the doctor's counsel and warnings and had continued to don the military uniform every morning. But it was at a price. In all his life, he had never seen his mother look so weary – pushing her body beyond its limits was starting to show on the surface and its effects were more than likely irreversible.  
Lelouch frowned, disapproval etched over his face. He loved his mother, both as the commander and as the woman who had raised him and his two sisters by herself, but there were times when her blatant irresponsibility rubbed him the wrong way. And this was one of those times.  
"Mother."  
"What is it, darling?"  
"Let me lead the expedition tomorrow."  
She looked up sharply at his words, but he pushed on. He had to do this, regardless of the resistance he would meet. It was for her own good.  
"You're obviously feeling unwell. Allow me to lead the expedition tomorrow – in the meanwhile, you can—"  
"I can what? Hide behind the walls while my men sacrifice their lives for the sake of humanity? Why should I do that? Why should I abandon them?"  
"You wouldn't be abandoning them. It would be in their best interest – a commander ill-suited for leading an expedition will only shepherd his men into Death's embrace. How do you expect to go on the expedition when your body is in this condition? How do you expect to fight off Titans if you can't even sit up on your own?"  
"I can sit up on my own and I can slay Titans as well as I did when I was your age. In fact, I can do it even better. And while I may not be in my prime, I'm confident that I can lead the men far better than you can, Lelouch. Now I suggest that you go to your quarters and rest – the 43rd expedition will be a long, arduous one, one fraught with highly-strung nerves and tension, and you're going to want to sleep in your warm bed one last time before the 4 nights of sleeping on the freezing, hard ground that await you."  
"Moth—"  
"You're dismissed."  
He stared at his mother, but she only settled into bed and turned her back on him, solidifying the wall she had put up against him. Biting back an exasperated sigh, he silently rose and left the room. Closing the door behind him, he turned around to walk down the hallway and retire to his own bed, when he ran into something significantly shorter and softer than him. Swallowing a yelp, he stepped backwards, nearly slamming into the door if not for her hand snatching the collar of his shirt and pulling him forward.  
"What are you doing here?" he hissed. "You're not supposed to be here."  
"Giving mommy a good night kiss, huh?"  
"Shut up."  
"Sh. Or you'll wake the officers. And then what are you going to say to them when they find you sneaking around in the middle of the night with a woman?"  
"Woman?" he snorted. "I don't see any women around here."  
But C.C. had already moved on with the conversation as she always did when she could no longer poke fun at him, and reached for his hand. Dragging him down the hall, she half-whispered, "Suzaku's already waiting for us up top."  
"Why didn't you go with him?"  
"Because I knew you were going to try to skip and go to bed."  
"It's important to rest well on the evening before an expedi—"  
"You know the reason why we do this, Lelouch. You know better than all of us why we do this the night before every expedition we've gone on."  
"That's right. We didn't do this until you transferred. Until you came, Suzaku and I were always in bed at this time of night."  
"Boo-hoo, cry me a river. Who's the one who was constantly badgering me to transfer to the Survey Corps?"  
"That was under the orders of the Comman—"  
"And you could have told someone else to do it. You yourself didn't have to."  
"Oh yes, I did. You never listen to anyone."  
"But you?"  
"But you. You only listen to yourself."  
"I also listen to Marianne," she reminded him. "I listen very well to your mother."  
"But what of the next commander? I fear for them, whoever it may be – they're never going to be able to control you."  
"But that'll only hold true if I get to live long enough to see Marianne retire."  
Lelouch stopped following her and stared at the woman with the soft aura cast by the moonlight. She let go of his hand, letting it drop to his side like a dead weight, and the two stood there as the cool autumn breeze passed through and out the window besides them.  
"This could be my last night here in this wretched place," she sighed. "I don't know what tomorrow will bring, how many people are going to die, and whether I'm going to be among one of those lay down to rest for the last time."  
Her shoulders wilted but her voice was unusually bright and cheerful as she continued on, as if she were trying to hide her fear and pain.  
"I think not knowing is one of the worst things – you're not sure if you're supposed to say goodbye to everyone you love, or if you'll say "I'll see you in a few days." But I suppose it's not all that bad. I'm all alone, so in the case that I am eaten, no one will cry over my dea—"  
A small gasp escaped C.C. as his embrace tightened and he buried his nose into the crook of her neck. They stood still for what seemed like a lifetime until he whispered, "How long have we known each other, C2?"  
"… 20-or-so years."  
"That's right. 20-or-so years. I've known you almost as long as I've walked this earth. You are as much part of my life as my arm, as my own mother, and I'll be damned if I let a Titan steal such an important part of my life."  
"I don't need your protection, Lelouch."  
"Then fight! I know you don't need my protection, C2, but if you're talking like this… Then I have no choice than to assume that you do." He lifted her chin so that she met his gaze. "Fight, C2, and walk this earth with me so that we can see the day humanity no longer needs to hide behind these walls."  
She couldn't look away. As hard as she tried, she couldn't find it in herself to look away from him as he asked her to… Well, to essentially… To…  
She turned to face him better as his hold slid down to her waist and tugged her closer. C.C. wrapped her own arms around his neck, pulling him down, and they stood in the light of the moon and the dark of the night, her world filled with nothing but the familiar scent of cotton, the feeling of intertwining her fingers with his silky hair, and his gentle, soft lips.  
"Promise me. Promise me that you'll fight as hard as you can for as long as you can. Promise me our future."  
She stared at his outstretched hand, taking her back to a time some decades ago when he had offered her a hand just as he was right now. Many, many things had changed since then, of course, but the feeling remained the same when she looked at his hand reaching towards her – just as it had done years ago, an incredible warmth washed over her with the assurance and knowledge that there were people who cared and loved her, that she would be missed if she were to bid them an eternal farewell.  
"I promise."  
And just like that time some decades ago, she placed her hand in his palm, and he wrapped his fingers around her. She smiled, as did he, the sweet taste of the kiss still on her lips.  
People were still going to die tomorrow. She knew that no promise could ever change that. Nor could she make the chance of her dying disappear. But she knew that she could decide to fight, not only for humanity, but her own life, and that was what she was going to do.  
She had made a promise, and a promise to one of the most, if not the most, important person in her life.

They were ready. Months of preparation and conditioning had led up to this day. Yet, he couldn't seem to shake off the sense of ominous foreboding that poisoned him. There was just something about this expedition in particular that threw him off… His eyes wandered throughout the quietly murmuring squads and settled on Suzaku, who was a couple of feet off to the right. He gave him a long look, making him silently ask, "What is it?" for being so intensely scrutinized. But Lelouch merely looked away without bothering to explain his strange behavior and settled on C.C.  
She had been a part of his squad ever since she had switched from the Military Police to the Survey Corps, but for some reason, the Commander had removed her from his men and allotted her to Li Xingke. Xingke was an excellent soldier, one with unparalleled strength in both combat and intelligence. But it wasn't enough. C.C. got along well enough with Xingke and the members of his squad, but she wasn't familiar with them, and the habits they inevitably had, and thus wouldn't be able to work as well if she had stayed with him.  
C.C.'s transfer and the Commander's ailing health, combined together, was fraying his nerves. There were too many uncertain factors, which could only mean a higher death count. Which could mean that there was a higher chance of him, or Suzaku, or C.C. dying.  
Lelouch clenched his jaw as he sharply ordered himself to stop scaring himself. It was going to be fine. It was okay. He had gone on several expeditions before – the first one had been when he had been 16. They were going to go out, scope things out and mark down any progress or events, and then come back in. They would lose some men, but that was inevitable and he had long since been desensitized to the way the troops returning home were always smaller in size than the troops who left. Shot nerves would only make his fear a reality, and he refused to allow his nerves to be responsible for the deaths of men who willingly offered their lives for humanity.  
"Permission to speak, Captain."  
"Permission granted."  
"Captain, do you believe that the Commander is fit to lead this expedition?"  
He stared at the redhead and noticed how her tight fist was trembling from where it lay on her saddle.  
"With all due respect, sir, I don't follow those who can't even care for their own body."  
"Then would you prefer to lead this expedition of 238 men? Would you like to carry the weight of humanity on your shoulders?"  
"… No, sir."  
"Then you will not question who is in command of the expedition. Am I understood, Kozuki?"  
"… Yes, sir."  
"Then you are dismissed."  
He had made her angry. Good. For someone like Kallen Kozuki, anger was good, anger would help her survive. It would make her an aggressive fighter, her attacks more vicious and deadly. If she were to be caught in a Titan's grasp, anger would help fuel her struggle to break free. Anger would let her see another sunrise. So what if he had made her angry? In the end, it would only help her, rather than hurt her, and if tainting his reputation was going to save one more life, then so be it.  
But Kallen had a point. As much as he hated to admit it, Marianne wasn't suited to leading this expedition, and he had a feeling that Kallen and he weren't the only people with such opinions. But there was no use in thinking such useless thoughts. It was already too late at this point, and the commander's word was law, especially in the Survey Corps. There was nothing he could do but look after his men and hope that the other captains did the same.  
There was nothing to be done but stand toe-to-toe with Death and see who would walk away on their own two feet.

It appeared mid-morning three days after the Survey Corps had left on the 43rd Expedition. The baker's wife was the first to spot the clawed hand tightly grasping the Wall and the ugly, skinless face that soon followed after. She dropped the bowl and screamed as the enormous face loomed over humanity, blocking out the sun. Every man, woman, child, and beast turned to stare, eyes wide with horror. Its smile, stretching from corner to corner of the jaw, widened as it bared its pointed teeth as it seemed to realize that all attention was turned towards it. Time seemed to freeze as the Titan maliciously beamed at them, and no one moved, their limbs poisoned with terror, until it opened its mouth impossibly wide and laughed, its shrieking screams echoing throughout the Walls as it announced its arrival. And still, no one moved, for none was prepared to face Death, who had finally come knocking.


	3. That Day

**That Day**

Fall of Shiganshina (pt. II)

* * *

All Lelouch could hear was the sound of his breathing and the clunking of his gear, and all he could see was red. It was massacre, a complete genocide – even with all of the expeditions he had survived, he had never seen so much blood. It was splattered all over the windows and walls of the rows and rows of houses and shops, it was running down the street gutters, and it was painting his world a vivid, unforgettable crimson. Cold blood was dripping down his dull blades and was smeared on his cheek and hands, but Lelouch didn't wipe it away. Wiping off the blood would only mean sacrificing his time and energy in the name of his appearance, and he had neither to spare. When the Survey Corps had finally returned home, they had returned to a home flooded in a sea of blood. Thus, they had taken up arms in place of the Garrison, whose cannons were completely useless in the face of the ceaseless waves of Titans. They had long since abandoned their posts at the Wall and had redirected their entire manpower to evacuating the civilians, especially now that the Corps had arrived on the scene. But it wasn't enough, even with the introduction of humanity's strongest warriors.

Thousands had died, thousands were dying now, and thousands more were going to die. They couldn't save everyone. It would be foolish and naïve to hope to accomplish such an endeavor. The entrance into the Shiganshina District from the outside had been completely breached by that aberrant Titan, and there were too many of the monsters to even entertain the possibility of saving everyone. In fact, he knew that sooner or later, the call for retreat was going to be given when the superiors finally decided that they had lost enough men to the futile undertaking. They would climb over the walls, effectively abandoning those who were unlucky enough and weren't fast enough in the evacuations – it was only a matter of time. And though it sickened him desert those hundreds of families, those countless men and women and children, it was for the best – if the life of a soldier and the life of a civilian were to be weighed against one another, the soldier was far more valuable than the civilian, who wasn't trained to fight for humanity as the soldier was. It only made sense that they would climb over the walls. They had to save some because they couldn't save all. There were going to be sacrifices. There were always sacrifices. And if those sacrifices had to be those men and women, then so be it. If those sacrificed lives would allow humanity to continue its struggle for its survival, then there was no other choice but to leave them be.

It wasn't a particularly humane way to think, but the end justified the means, and if the end meant the continuation of mankind, then there was nothing to be done.

As he sprinted over the rooftops of the ruined district, he tried to calculate how much longer the Survey Corps had left before being ordered to climb the Wall. 5 minutes? 10? They had already been fighting for hours, and he knew what soldiers hadn't been eaten or torn apart limb by limb was exhausted. They had had no time to rest after the long and difficult journey home, and there was no doubt that their blades were as dull as his were, that their gear was as heavy and chafing as it had gotten for him, that they were starting to lose morale as they watched their fellow man brutally die over, and over, and over, emphasizing each time just how weak and powerless they were against the Titans.

Suddenly, a gunshot echoed and his eyes flickered to his right. He spotted the flare arc across the heavens, the black smoke in sharp contrast with the blood-red sky, before settling on the hazy form of the Titan that had started it all. The Smiling Titan.

The terrorized people had already blessed it with a name, so great was their horror. They screamed its title as they ran down the streets, or fell to their knees in prayer for divine intervention, or curled up in a corner in vain hope that they would escape notice before being snatched up and bitten in half with a spray of blood and a cut-off shriek.

Lelouch was torn. Should he go to the Titan? Or should he hang back? The skinless monster, with its gaping mouth, crystal claws, and razor-sharp teeth was an opponent like no other he had met. Its intelligence and cunning only made it more formidable – it knew and understood three-dimensional gear, knew and understood the Survey Corps. He had heard from other terrified members of the Corps, who had run away in time, how their friend had been impaled on one of its fingers while he or she had been flying towards it, sword raised, before being quickly swallowed. It was stupid to engage a Titan by yourself, especially a Titan as intelligent and knowledgeable as that one. But if he didn't stop it, who would? If he didn't, what would it do next? Crush Wall Maria just as it had destroyed the gate into the District?

And then he saw her.

The Commander.

But there was something about her that made him uneasy. She was slow. Far slower than her sobriquet, the Flash, suggested her to be. And her cuts were too shallow. She wasn't piercing the skin as deeply as she should be. A dark sense of foreboding spread throughout Lelouch as he realized why she was so slow and weak.

It was her sickness.

She was so unlike herself because of how sick she was. He could just imagine it – her choking on her commands as those hacking coughs wracked her body, the fatigue that chained her down.

She was going to kill herself. She was going to get herself killed, all because she was so stubborn and refused to look after her body in the name of the thrill of slaying down beasts 7, 10, 15 times her size, in the name of humanity. Because of her oath to protect mankind and to fight for what little glory and dignity they had left after willingly locking themselves within cages for centuries on end, because of that, she was digging her own grave.

That wasn't going to happen. Not as long as he was alive and breathing.

No. That wasn't going to happen. Not as long as he was alive and breathing.

Racing on the clay-tiled roofs, he was about to leap off the edge and use what gifts God and the government had given him, when a hand came flying out of nowhere and slammed down onto the spot where he had been seconds before if he hadn't seen it out of the corner of his eye. The back-handspring was a poor decision though – the Titan who had snuck up on him was one of the more intelligent ones, and it swung its other hand towards him. The wind was knocked out of him as he was thrown over the street and onto the next roof over, but Lelouch was a trained soldier, arguably one of the best in the Survey Corps, and he scrambled up onto his feet. Drawing a blade, he fired the grappling hook at the Titan's shoulder.

He didn't even wait for the Titan's smoldering corpse to fall to the ground. The second his feet touched on the roof, he ran to the edge. He had lost time with the interruption, precious seconds that he could have used to save her and slay the one who had started it all, and he was afraid that it was too late. Lelouch was fast – the fastest in the entire Corps, with the exception of the Flash – but even with all of his speed and command of the three-dimensional gear, if his mother were to trip up and make a mistake, then—

It had her tight in its grip. Lelouch could see blood running down its clawed hand, blood that was freely flowing from his mother. It smiled down at her, the grin reaching to the corners of its jaw. Its pointed teeth glinted in the dying sun before they clamped down on her arm. Even from the distance where he was, Lelouch could clearly and hear her screaming and could distinctly pick out the stump that had once been her right arm.

His breath caught and soon found that he was rooted to the spot. He wondered why he had froze, questioned why he couldn't move, wasn't rushing to her and saving her. Why he was just standing there and watching. What was wrong with him? He had seen countless men fall into the grasp of the monsters that dominated them. He had witnessed the cold-blooded murder of his fellow comrades, of his friends, of the people who he had trained with. The people who had guided him. Those who had laughed with him, who had enjoyed life with him. He had seen them all die, and he had never been fazed. Not even the first time he had undergone the experience of having a fellow soldier snatched out of the air and greedily gobbled up, had he been shaken. So why now, out of all times, why was his body not listening? His mind screamed at him to move. He had to move. He had to go to her and cut her free, kill the demon, do his part for humanity. But all he could do was watch, with wide eyes, as the Titan lifted his mother up, his mother who was so weak, she didn't even fight back or resist, his mother who had raised him and his sisters by herself with nothing but love and care, his mother who would still pinch his cheek and ask for a kiss even when her son was at the ripe age of 25… All he could do was watch as it raised her limp body to its wide, malicious grin, and open its mouth until there was nothing but a pitch black abyss yawning in front of her until it slammed its teeth shut and a fountain of blood…

Lelouch fell to his knees, numb with shock. What… Had just happened? What had he— Had he seen that correctly? It wasn't just his brain making things up, was it? This… This was a dream, wasn't it? It was a dream. It was definitely a dream, there was no way that his mother, his mother Marianne the Flash, would ever allow herself to be eaten by a Titan, there was absolutely no way. Hell could freeze over, the earth could split into two, and the entire world could be thrown into chaos, but the one thing that didn't happen, _could _not happen, was the Flash dying at the hands of a Titan. It was… It was as if the world had flipped on itself, had completely inverted.

He threw up. Doubling over, he clutched his stomach as tears streamed down his cheeks. Impossible. It was impossible, there was no way that she could have—

He shamelessly wept, covering his head with his hands. His heart-wrenching cries rivaled the screeching roar of the Smiling Titan as he voiced the unbearable pain a child suffers after standing by and doing nothing but witness the death of a beloved parent. His tears and screams rejected the truth and he became deaf and blind to all as he lost all touch with everything and anything, save for his grief. He didn't see the Titans looming over him. Nor did he hear the bell ringing, signaling retreat for those soldiers who were unfortunate enough to have survived, those who were forced to live with the memories of their friends and loved ones dying flashing behind their eyes and haunting them in the middle of the night. He couldn't hear Suzaku's calls and didn't see the Titans crashing to the ground as C.C. arrived. He didn't feel her shaking him by the shoulder, didn't really see her as she held his head in her hands, and did nothing when Suzaku lifted him up over his shoulder.

It just replayed, over and over. He could see it all in perfect detail – the expression of terror on his mother's face as she realized that there would be no one to come save her, that there was no escape, that she was facing certain death. Her shrieks echoed in his ears. Everything seemed muted, colorless, save for the crimson blood smeared all over his hands. The blood of his mother, he realized. For not having saved her.

His hot tears dripped down his chin and onto his crimson palms. The blood washed away so easily. But he knew that the grief wouldn't, that the guilt would never leave him. But he also knew that the anger and fury building up in the pit of his stomach, the hatred for the damned species, would forever be with him until the day that they no longer existed.

. . .

Suzaku looked over the burning landscape. Too much blood had been spilt and far too many lives had been lost, all because of humanity's conceit. He himself hadn't grown up in the Shiganshina District, but he knew what home meant to people, and what it was like to lose your home, and he knew how devastating it could be to a person and to their identity.

He bent down to where C.C. knelt with her face buried in her hands, and put his arm around her. Drawing her into a tight hug, he quietly listened to her muffled sobs. This hell, this mass graveyard, had been her home for half of her life. This had been the place where Marianne had found her, had took her under her wing like one of her own children. These streets running with blood had been the streets where she had first met her two closest, and for a long time, her only, friends, the pieces of splintered wood the shops she had gone to, the blood-splattered building the school she had been sent to, the red rivers and dead valleys a place where she had had been truly happy. She had watched the Titans ravage her home, murder her neighbors, had desperately fought to save what bits and pieces of her childhood she could, but it was impossible. They were ruthless, savage and unrestrained, and she had lost everything. Her home. Her happy memories. And the woman who had been a mother to her, who had been the mother she had never had. So Suzaku embraced his sister and mourned with his brother, as both had suffered a loss that no child should ever have to suffer.

And then he heard it. The words that changed it all. The words that changed everything.

"I swear…"

Suzaku looked up and felt C.C. lift her head from where it had been resting on his shoulder. They both stared at Lelouch, who stood at the edge of the Wall, his jaw clenched and his brow furrowed. In all of his years of growing up together, Suzaku had never seen him look so enraged as now. His voice was low as he clenched his hands into trembling fists and growled, "I swear, Suzaku, so help me… So help me, I'm going to destroy them all. I'm going to destroy every single one of them and make them pay for what they did!" he spat. "I'll make them suffer, just as they've made humanity suffer, and then I'll obliterate every single one of them!"

* * *

**A/N: I know I suck at writing action, I'm really sorry. It's really not my forte.**


	4. The Home Stretch

**The Home Stretch**

The 55th Expedition (pt. II)

* * *

Four soldiers. Four men and women, Four people who had led lives and had families of their own. He had lost four lives, a number he wasn't comfortable with. He would have preferred none, especially since this was but a brief practice run for the new recruits. But he supposed that he should be happy that it was only four, and not more – they had been unusually fortunate in that they had been able to avoid the majority of the Titans that had gotten dangerously close, or had swiftly dispatched those that had managed to infiltrate the tight formation.

But they would have to be more careful, he decided. He had been instated as commander of the Survey Corps after the death of the Flash, and during the past decade, the body count for the Survey Corps was the lowest it had ever been. Their ranks had actually swollen, as the trainees decided that the Survey Corps were no longer synonymous with suicide. More and more men and women joined, which was gratifying to see. It was heartening to see that so many were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of humanity. But it also put more pressure on Lelouch. He knew from the moment he swore to do all that he could do to guide and lead the Corps that he would have to carry an unimaginable weight and burden on his shoulders. But there were times when his confidence failed him, especially when the mothers and fathers, the brothers, sisters, lovers, and friends rushed to him, asking why they couldn't find their mother, father, brother, sister, or lover, why they couldn't find their friend, and if their death had been in vain. Especially those questions if they had at least done some good, had helped humanity even in the smallest way, before dying.

Some were. Some weren't. But always, he would reply with a yes and a thank you, a thank you for giving their greatest treasure to their cause. He understood what it was like to lose family to the Titans, and he could empathize and imagine what it would be like to lose the son or daughter they had so lovingly raised. He had children of his own. A wife of his own, sisters who he loved, friends whom he depended on.

He glanced down at his wrist and rubbed the coarse rope. His daughter Marianne, or Marie as she preferred to be called, had tied the quaternary knot around his wrist the morning he had left for the expedition. With her long, black hair and proud golden gaze, she had worked to tie the knot with the clumsy fingers of a 5-year-old while she explained the meaning of the knot that Aunt Nunna had taught her. For protection, she had told him. She herself had braided the slim rope with the help of Aunt Euphie, so that was why it was extra special and would help protect him even more than if she had used some regular, old piece of string she had found lying around.

It had been a rough and hectic morning the day they left – Alexander, who was usually so quiet and docile, had cried and cried, refusing to let go of his mother, and Marie, frightened by the sudden change in her younger brother, had begun to sob. It had troubled Lelouch – not because Rolo had been there as messenger, but because he always hated seeing his children cry. Every time they did, it was as if it was a reminder of how terrible and cruel of a world they had been born into and how he hadn't yet been able to create a safer and more peaceful world where they'd be able to escape the shadow of the Titans and live without fear.

They had only stopped crying when he and C.C. had bent down and each given a promise to their children in the shape of a necklace and a pin. Shocked, Marie had stared at the mother-of-pearl pin that was glinting in her mother's palm. Alexander's wailing was reduced to quiet sniffles as his violet eyes were transfixed on the thick silver band hanging on a slender chain. Both knew how irreplaceable they were to their parents – the pearl pin that their grandmother had worn before she had died and the wedding ring that was so precious, their father was never seen without it.

They asked for them to hold onto the treasures until they returned. In four days' time, they promised, they would come back home. But until then, they had asked if they could hold onto them. Marie was the only one who answered, but it was enough for all of them – she slowly nodded her head before making them pinky swear that they were going to come back in four days. They had promised, given them kisses, and left them in the warm and loving embrace of their aunts, who wished them good luck and farewell with tears of their own.

His promise still stood. He was going to make it back. C.C. was going to make it back. They were all going to, with the exception of those four men and women he had lost. He simply refused to lose any more. Not on this expedition.

"Sir. All bodies but one have been retrieved and accounted for. All personnel are on stand-by, waiting for your command."

They were close. Only a few miles more, and they'd be back within the Walls, alive, safe, and protected.

Lelouch looked to the west. The sun was starting to set, which meant they only had a matter of minutes before visibility was completely gone, which would mean the Garrison wouldn't raise the gates unless a messenger was sent. Which meant being stranded outside for who knew how long, which could only mean one thing – losing more lives. Although they were less than ten miles off from the Walls, they would have to make haste – the terrain was uneven around the Quinta District, and travel would be slower than if they had gone to Shiganshina.

"We leave immediately. Keep the formation loose – it's not our top priority at the moment. Our objective now is to return to the Walls before sunset. Relay the message throughout all of the squads."

"Yes, sir."

He pulled back on the reins and Julius tossed his head before obediently cantering down the small knoll. Melting into the shifting mass of soldiers, he made his way to center front. He may have told everyone that formation wasn't a top priority, but it was of utmost importance that he at least be in his place. After all, if the leader couldn't be found, what would the men do when lost? Where would they look to find their commander?

It was now just a race against time. Each and every one of the horses were charging forward, their ears flat against their heads as they galloped at breakneck speeds. The forest green cloaks on the Survey Corps flapped wildly. The sounds of the hundreds of hooves hitting the ground over and over was ear-shattering – he could barely hear himself think. But it didn't matter – he didn't need to think in order to point his horse in the right direction.

The Walls were in sight when he heard the gunshot and saw the red smoke. He looked back over his shoulder. Violet eyes narrowed in anger and disgust – those goddamn idiots, Kento Sugiyama and Shinichiro Tamaki.

He remembered them arguing with Kallen, their squad captain. Naomi Inoue, their comrades and close friends, had been one of the three who had been killed on this expedition, and they had been unable to recover her body as it had been far too close to a Titan. Following protocol, Kallen had denied them permission to retrieve the corpse. In the middle of the argument, Tamaki had caught sight of his commander watching the commotion from his vantage point, and began yelling at him, calling him heartless for not allowing them go back.

Tamaki was infamous for being a drunkard, and with the autumn breeze, the reek of alcohol reached his nose. Another point against the soldier, he thought to himself. One for drinking on duty, another for showing disrespect for protocol and his superiors. One more point, and Shinichiro Tamaki could possibly face suspension from all Survey Corps activity for a very, very long time.

His companion, Sugiyama, had tried to drag him away, but the hothead that he was, refused to walk away from a fight and had merely shook him off and continued to scream at his commander until Ohgi finally grabbed one arm, with Sugiyama holding the other, and pulled him away after a wave of apologies directed towards both superior officers. When all was quiet again, Lelouch had only warned the captain to better control her squad before moving away to check on the rest of the Corps.

She had obviously failed to heed his words.

Lelouch faced forward again. There was nothing to do but allow the squads placed in the back to handle the two Titans that were giving chase. The squad in the back. Jeremiah Gottwald's squad. He quickly ran the list of names who were in the Fourth Squad – Sayoko Shinozaki, Rolo Lamperouge, Leila Malkal, Akito Hyuga, and C.C.

C.C.

Lelouch clenched his jaw and forced his personal feelings down. Jeremiah had his orders and would follow them until the last of his breath. And Akito Hyuga was there, the bloodthirsty monster. The Fourth Squad was comprised of some of the Corps's strongest fighters – the incoming Titans wouldn't be eating anyone.

Not when home was just over the sight and not when the Fourth Squad had been dispatched.

. . .

C.C. was up before Akito could even turn around to see what was causing the rumbling. Drawing her blades, she smirked to herself – it wasn't like her to rush headfirst into battle, but it was a 7-meter, and she was starving for some real life application. Because the Fourth Squad had been placed in the most secure position out of the entire formation, she hadn't yet been able to even touch her gear, something that irritated her to no end. She hadn't fought with her husband for weeks on end just for some convoluted camping trip.

She let Yuki fall back until the snow-white horse was close enough to the savage before firing. The hooks sunk into its neck, and she let herself be yanked off the saddle. She could faintly hear Akito's frustrated roar at having been beat, and by some old maid, no less. Her smile widened. It would feel good, her first kill would. It was, after all, a reunion after five of the longest years she had ever lived.

One swift blow would be more than enough. She would have to retract the hooks and immediately turn to kill the other remaining Titan (if Akito didn't get his act together fast enough), and then safely land without breaking any bones, whereupon Yuki would immediately gallop by after seeing her owner on ground again. She would then jump onto the saddle and catch up with the rest of the Corps, fresh Titan blood on her blade and indisputable proof that the Fourth Squad to return to its original position near the front of the formation.

Everything went according to plan. She came in close to the Titan's unguarded nape and sent a splatter of blood and a wave of smoke up in the air with one, clean cut. Victorious, she prepared herself to go after the other, when her gear suddenly jammed. The wires refused to move. She was stuck, unless she unstrapped the harness. But unstrapping the harness would only leave her completely defenseless, which was one of the worst possible things that could happen beyond the Walls.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the Titan closing in. Soon, if she didn't move soon, she'd be caught in its tight, meaty grasp. She refused to die here. She had made a promise to her children, and she was going to do whatever it took to keep her word.

C.C. weighed the odds – was it better to take a stand or run? Would it be better to ditch the harness or continue to pull in hopes that it would pull free?

Turning the blade over, she severed the wires before whistling for her horse. Sprinting away, she glanced over her shoulder – it was close. Too close. And it was coming in fast, aiming straight for her. Furrowing her brows, she faced forward. It would be better to face forward than look backwards – looking backwards would only make her lose her nerve and falter, even miss a step and trip, something that she couldn't afford to do.

She clung to her horse's mane as she fled from her grave, all the while berating herself. Intoxicated by freedom and power, she had momentarily allowed her impulses to control her, and had made a terrible decision. But why had her gear jammed? It had been in perfect condition when they had left – she had made sure of it. And she hadn't used it during the entire expedition. So why had her gear, that had been in top-notch condition, jammed?

Someone hadn't tampered with it… Had they?

C.C. looked up and stared at the hundreds of forest green cloaks flapping in the wind. Was there one among her fellow soldiers who wished for her death? Who had gone as far as tampering with her equipment? Who was there that would go so far? But more importantly…

Why?

* * *

**A/N: I honestly really like what I have in store for this story, but my writing, the way it just [clenches fist] _sucks ass_. Ugh, I am so sorry for the crap writing. I really don't know what's wrong with me.**


	5. The Monster Bearing Freedom's Wings

**The Monster Bearing Freedom's Wings**

The 55th Expedition (pt. III)

* * *

Suzaku squared his shoulders as he studied the grains in the mahogany of the imposing door. Despite his lofty position as the deputy commander, and despite being his friend for thirty years, there were still times when a tight knot of anxiety sat in the pit of his stomach in the face of a confrontation with Lelouch. Especially when it came to matters of family. Because of the rumors and the snide side comments of how Lelouch played favorites, particularly when it came to C.C., family was always a touchy subject with the commander. More so if business was mixed in with the personal side of their lives.

But, as much as he hated to, he had to do this. It was his duty to oversee, and if need be, correct the commander whenever he lost the way and used his power for any other purpose besides ensuring that humanity survived. It would be better to do it now and get it over with, anyhow, than to let it sit until it boiled over the sides and created a huge mess. Breathing in deeply, Suzaku slowly let out a sigh before raising his hand to knock. But before his knuckle could meet the hard wood, the door swung open, and he found himself face-to-face with the shamed, red, and teary-eyed face of Shinichiro Tamaki.

The man roughly wiped his runny nose on the sleeve of his uniform, all the while glaring at his superior before pushing past him. Green eyes followed after his hunched shoulders, but no reprimand chased after him. It would be better if he didn't – not that he was the type of officer that made his inferiors run laps until they dropped to the ground. But of course, he needed to be respected by those below him, and it was of utmost importance that he be respected by men like Shinichiro Tamaki. But Suzaku let him go. He had already gone through enough – he had heard how two of Tamaki's oldest friends, Naomi Inoue and Kento Sugiyama, had died, one because of his foolhardiness. He had already suffered through more pain in one day than a man should in a lifetime, and the trauma would be a far better stick than any he could wield…

Besides. He was sure that their commander had made sure more than necessarily that Tamaki wouldn't dare rebel against his senior officers. Not any time soon, anyway.

Clearing his throat, Suzaku turned back to the door and knocked. When he received an answer, he opened the door and stepped into the elegant office. Lanterns shed a warm, welcoming light over the walls of bookshelves, each one filled with numerous leather-bound tomes. As he saluted, he couldn't help but glance at the low table that sat between the twin rows of sofas. There was a chessboard, with the black and white pieces scattered all over the floor and table, as if someone had swiped at them in a fit of rage.

"Commander."

"Kururugi."

"Permission to discuss Cecaniah Corabelle, sir."

There was a slight pause before there was a "Permission granted." Suzaku, clamping down and internally apologizing to his friends for probing into their personal lives, mentally prepared his arguments. Although his back was to him, he caught the anger flaring up in Lelouch's gaze from the reflection in the pitch-black window.

Outside, he could just barely make out the enormous bonfire that had been lit in the courtyard of the headquarters, and the shadows that were moving about near the edge of the ring of light, the survivors of the 55th Expedition who were busy celebrating or mourning from the venture they had just returned from. He found himself wondering C.C. was among the crowd, but stopped – it didn't matter where she was, as long as she was a part of the crowd of survivors. After all, it wasn't her location that was the problem – it was her relationship with the Commander.

"Sir, with all due respect, I don't believe the decision you've made regarding Cecaniah Corabelle is just and right for the continued survival of humanity. As deputy commander, I request that you reconsider the ban you placed on her for participating in expeditions."

He hadn't even finished speaking, when his answer was delivered in a curt clip.

"Request denied."

"Sir—"

"You're well aware of the methods I work by and the reasoning for the organization of the Survey Corps. It is always quality over quantity – time and time again, it has been proven that a soldier who cannot work well with the rest of the company, who isn't well-disciplined, can bring nothing but death and destruction to his comrades. There's evidence of this in the sales of the undertaking business. The survival of the Corps depends on the cooperation and fluidity between captains and their soldiers, between the different squads, and I refuse to permit an unqualified individual to go beyond the Walls, only for them to cause nothing but friction that inevitably results in unnecessary deaths."

He curbed his tongue as he listened to the rest of the lecture. Now was not the time to debate, to speak out of turn. Now was to sit quietly and listen, so that Lelouch would listen to him just as he had listened to him.

"If a there is a soldier who cannot work well with others, who can't even protect themselves against the most basic of threats, then they will be barred from any expeditions. I am not afraid of cutting those that I must, no matter who they are, and I suggest, Deputy, that if you're under the impression that I placed the ban on Cecaniah Corabelle due to any personal connections I may have with her, then you realize how severely mistaken you are."

Licking his chapped lips, the deputy commander said what was necessary to persuade him that he was in the wrong.

"Sir, Cecaniah Corabellle is one of the best users of three-dimensional maneuver gear within the Corps. It would be a terrible loss for mankind if her talent and skill were to be cast aside."

He waited with bated breath, until the raven-haired man turned around and revealed the weariness and fatigue that lined his face. He blankly stared at him until the tension and rigidity of his posture eventually melted away. Suzaku watched as he sat down on the edge of the bureau and pinched the bridge of his nose while closing his eyes. He caught sight of the rope bracelet Marie had made, and his hard glare softened. He patiently waited.

All was still for the longest time until he finally heard a thin, tired, "She almost died."

"I saw."

"Then you're as aware as I am of how unfit she is to go on an expedition. She can't even properly care for her own equipment, the most basic of tasks that a soldier is responsible for. If she can't even properly care for her own equipment, how can I expect her, one of the senior officers, to bear the burden of the lives of others? I realize this seems unfair in your eyes. I realize that there are recruits who only just graduated from being a trainee, that there are those with less skill than she. But for the sake of the Survey Corps, for the sake of the other soldiers, I cannot allow her to participate. I won't let her put the lives of other soldiers in any more risk than they're in already."

"Lelouch, I asked you to reconsider because it doesn't have to be a permanent ban. I understand if you prohibit her, as long as it's temporary – anyone would understand. She hasn't gone out in five years, and there are bound to be issues and problems. But they're all issues and problems that can be solved, given enough practice. Why does it have to be permanent?"

"It is necessary that—"  
"You're letting your personal feelings cloud your judgment."

Suzaku saw the anger flash in his eyes but stood his ground and pushed on.

"You're letting yourself be led off of the path we set on. Don't let it happen. Not to you. Not when we've sacrificed so many lives to get this far. Don't fail humanity like this, Lelouch. Remember your promise and don't fail the Flash like this."

He was frozen, as if he had been struck across the cheek, and just stared at him with wide-eyed, shocked expression of a man who had just been betrayed. Suzaku was appalled by his monstrosity – using his mother's death for the advancement of humanity? – but didn't let his strong, challenging gaze waver. It was horrible, and heinous, and heartless to stab the wound that hadn't yet completely healed, but it was also necessary. If Lelouch didn't wake up from his delusions, if he continued to let his personal agenda dictate his decisions, then everything that he had worked for, that they had worked for, everything that they had sacrificed those countless lives for, would go up in flames. And he couldn't let that happen. _Wouldn't_ let that happen.

They stared each other down, determined green butting heads with staggered violet, until a knock on the door finally forced the two opposing sides to settle down. Clearing his throat, Suzaku smoothed his frown into a straight, unforgiving line as Lelouch quietly rose from where he had been perched on the desk. When they were composed as officers of their rank were supposed to be, the visitor was let in. C.C. saluted.

"Sir."

"Corabelle."

"You wished to see me, Commander?"

"Cecaniah Corabelle, you are hereby forbidden from partaking in any of the Survey Corp's expeditions."

All eyes were on Lelouch. From where he was standing, Suzaku could see how both man and woman had their hands balled into a tight fist behind their backs. As if all of their anger and emotion were being driven into that one hand, as if they were desperately trying to drain their faces of any expression. Suzaku frowned and was about to interject, when he heard, "You are hereby forbidden from partaking in any of the Survey Corp's expeditions until you have proven without reasonable doubt that you are qualified to participate. Am I understood?"

C.C. wasn't happy, but she wasn't as unhappy as she could have been. She must've suspected what the original verdict was, because she didn't object and merely replied that she understood his orders.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Then you're dismissed, Kururugi. Corabelle, stay. I want to speak to you privately."

He was surprised, but quickly saluted and left the room. The day had ended, as had the work day. What the Commander wanted to dicuss— no, what Lelouch wanted to discuss was clearly a private matter with his wife, and not one of his soldiers. There was no need to linger, especially when he had accomplished his mission.

But as his heavy footfalls echoed throughout the dark, lonely corridor, the image of the hard edge in C.C.'s gaze flashed behind his eyes, and he couldn't quite forget how frosty Lelouch's attitude had been towards his wife. Even if she had been just one of his soldiers at the time, the treatment had been too cold for someone who was a senior officer, and a senior officer who had been with them since their childhood on top of that. It had been so hateful, hat it was difficult to remember that they were married to one another, that they loved each other.

He stopped in the middle of the hallway, the dim light of the nearby sconce throwing strange, hideous shadows over his face as he finally realized why it was that Lelouch looked so fatigued, why C.C. always seemed to have a permanent crease between her brows whenever her husband neared her. Why they had acted as if they were about to continue an age-old argument when he had left the office. It wasn't just the demands of her being in the Survey Corps. It wasn't only the burdens that he had to bear as commander. It was their marriage. The Titans weren't destroying and killing just humanity – it was also their marriage, their partnership, that was unraveling, that was having its head torn off.

Suzaku stood absolutely still as the revelation dawned on him. It had been so long since he had been hollowed out by the monsters, since he had joined them, that he had forgotten what Fear would do to a woman and how Love could blind a man. But now he remembered, now he knew, just what emotions could do to a human. Now he remembered that they could be just as terrible and destructive as they were beautiful and heartening. The Titans weren't the only enemies of humanity, and he had a feeling that it would be extremely important to keep it in mind for whatever the future held, for he had an ominous premonition that whatever was to come was a great and terrible monster that lusted for nothing but innocent blood…


	6. A Look of Vengeance

**A Look of Vengeance**

Fall of Wall Maria (pt. I)

* * *

"I see him!"

Marie excitedly bounced on the balls of her feet as she tugged on her aunt's skirt. Alexander's head popped up from where it had been resting on his aunt's shoulder; his violet eyes, which had been half-closed out of drowsiness just seconds before, eagerly scanned the enormous crowd down below in search of his father. When he finally spotted the familiar crown of raven hair, near the very front of the military entourage, he squirmed free from Nunnally's arms and rushed to the edge of the roof. Clambering up onto the box his holder sister was perched on, he stood on the very tips of his toes. He was too short to look over the stone railing otherwise, and he craned his neck and strained so that he could see his beloved father.

"I can't see him," he whimpered. "I can't see him."

Tears stinging his eyes, Alexander frowned. What if he couldn't see Papa before the soldiers left? What if Papa wouldn't come back because he hadn't seen him off? Or what if Papa became angry because he hadn't waved goodbye to him? What if, what if, what—

He gaped as a pair of hands hooked under his arms and lifted him up. Twisting back, he saw that it was Aunt Euphie; she smiled at him before saying, "I promise you'll see your papa before he leaves, okay, Alexander? So please don't cry. You know how much your sister hates it when you cry, and we wouldn't want to upset her, would we?"

At the thought of an angry Marie, he immediately wiped his tears away. He glanced at his sister to make sure that she hadn't yet caught on to how he had been on the verge of crying – she hadn't. Much to his relief, she had been much too preoccupied with their father to pay any attention to him.

"That's right," she cooed. "No need for any tears. Look – can you see him? There he is, with Uncle Suzaku. Look how excited Julius is to go outside… Look, can you see him, Alexander?"

He nodded, and his aunt suggested waving to him. He nodded a second time before raising his tiny hand and waving it in the air in hopes that his father would notice.

By some miracle, or perhaps by some sort of telepathic communication, he did. He turned around from where he had been speaking to Uncle Suzaku, and smiled before returning his wave.

Marie shrieked, her face lit up with delight. "He saw us, he saw us! Auntie, did you see that? Did you see? He waved, he saw us and waved!"

"I did see," smiled Nunnally.

"He waved!" She excitedly danced around her aunt. "Of course he waved! Papa is the smartest, strongest man in the world, of course he knew we were waving!"

Beaming, she jumped up and down, her black pigtails hopping up and down with her, before she rushed to the edge of the roof and zealously waved back. Her grin widened when she overheard people complimenting her father and how he was a good man, a good soldier, and a good father. Of course he was! He was her papa after all! Marie hugged herself as she tried to hold onto the warmth spreading throughout her – he had seen and waved, even when he was so far away and there were so many people in between! And what more, he had smiled! Lately, it seemed as if Papa had been smiling less and less and seemed as if his face became more and more lined. He was so much more handsome when he smiled, she thought to herself. She knew she wasn't the only one thought this, because that was what Maman used to say, back when she smiled more and back when Papa used to come home with flowers for Maman every day. When there had been much more smiling and laughing than now.

She was young, but she wasn't stupid, and she certainly wasn't blind or deaf either. She could see how hard her parents tried to smile and laugh and be happy when they were all together, like a family was supposed to be. But the last bouquet had been thrown out a long, long time ago, and Marie hadn't seen any more flowers in the crystal vase afterwards.

But she still hoped that one day, Papa would come home with flowers again, and that Maman would tease him for being cheesy but take the flowers and kiss anyway, with glowing eyes and the faintest blush dusting her cheeks. She held onto the hope that one day, her mother would sit her in her lap and teach her the names of each one of the different, pretty flowers while Alexander lived up to his nickname of Shadow and toddled after their father close on his heels. Marie had a lot of wishes, but the one wish that she wanted to come true the most was that one day, everything would go back to the way it had been and that they would return to being the happy family that they had been. She wished more than anything, prayed, that someday, it would come true.

"Aunt Euphie?"

"Yes, Alexander?"

"Um… Do you know why the Survey Corps is going on another expedition? Don't they usually go every few months instead of every two weeks?"

His sister, with her sharp ears, turned on her heel and lectured him in the voice of an exasperated professor.

"The Commander-in-Chief told Papa to go out and check on how the base the Survey Corps set up is doing, with some other chores and stuff. Geez, Alexander. Weren't you listening when Papa was explaining?"

With a sullen expression, he buried his face into the crook of Euphemia's neck, who was busy trying to make the young girl apologize to her brother. The stubborn child she was, she refused, and sparks were about to fly between gentle Euphemia and feisty Marie, when the ground began to shake. They all turned and watched as the gates slowly rose. A smile appeared on Marie's lips, and she rushed to the very edge to closely watch her father.

Just barely, she could hear him announce the beginning of the 56th Expedition in that cold, commander voice she was so unused to. It sent shivers up her spine – sometimes she forgot how her father could be as scary as he could be warm and kind.

Glancing behind her, she realized that Alexander must have forgotten too, because his eyes widened at the 180-degree turn in their father's personality. Transfixed, he stared at the Survey Corps, who were rushing by below them. When the gate rumbled close, and the dust stirred up by the horses settled, he turned to his sister. They were mirrors of one another – both were surprised, frightened, and very much feeling very young and sheltered – their parents had done such a good job protecting them from the outside world, and all of the evil and harm that was in it, that they had forgotten just how great and powerful the evil that Maman and Papa were fighting against was, and how that great and powerful evil could change someone.

"Come on, Alexander," she said. Her brows drawn together with determination, Marie shook her bewilderment off and grabbed her brother's hand. Dragging him down to the ground, she tugged him towards the door. "Come on. Maman is waiting for us."

He nodded and obediently followed after his sister. That was right. Even though Papa would be gone for a few days, Maman was still here and was still waiting for them – sweet, loving Maman, with her warm hugs and comforting scent, with her beautiful, familiar smile. Maman with her sighs and her scars, Maman who was sad and tired, Maman who was hurt, all because of those Titans.

All because of those Titans… Those Titans that were tearing apart his family.

Marie didn't see. Nether did Nunnally or Euphemia. As the small family walked down the stairs, as they wove through the crowded streets, all missed the look in his eyes, the look of anger and resolution, a look that was extremely reminiscent of the expression his father, Lelouch vi Britannia, had had ten years ago when the Shiganshina District had fallen and he had witnessed the brutal murder of his mother.

None caught the look on his face as he vowed to put an end to the tragedy that was ravaging his family, the poison that was killing what peace and happiness he could find in this cruel world.

None caught the look of vengeance that Alexander vi Britannia wore, and none knew of the fire that burned within him, a fire that would, he hoped, put an end to mankind's plague.


	7. The Messenger

**The Messenger**

Fall of Wall Maria (pt. II)

* * *

"Don't you know that squirts like you aren't supposed to be here?"

"O-oi, Tamaki, be careful of what you say," Ohgi nervously muttered. "Those are the Commander's children you're speaking to."

"Ah, so what? He can't do anything more to me, he's already cut me off from the expeditions."

Tamaki brushed his friend off and loomed over the youths. The boy cowered behind his sister, who defiantly scowled at the soldier. Although the fire in her eyes was evocative of the Commander's smoldering glare, he refused to be intimidated by such a little kid and continued to hound them.

"What the hell are you two doing here anyway? And alone at that. What, did your two nurses let you run loose for once? I heard the Commander locked his kids inside all the time, but I—"

"Maman talks about you a lot. You're Shinichiro Tamaki, right? The idiot troublemaker?"

Tamaki choked. Why that little…! Ohgi seized the opportunity and grabbed the redhead's shoulders. Dragging him away, he apologized over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, you two. He's been a little short-tempered ever since everyone left on the expedition without him. He didn't mean anything he said."

Tamaki strained against Ohgi, yelling at the children, particularly the girl, who was watching him with a smug smirk on her face. When all was quiet, and the loud protests were finally silenced with the echoing of a door slam, Marie tossed her hair over her shoulder with a wave of a hand.

"He's got nothing on _me_. Did you see that, Alexander? The way I got rid of him?"

"Um… Where's Aunt Nunna and Aunt Euphie?"

She let out an exasperated groan – why was he always looking for either their aunts or Maman?

Crossing her arms, she said, "I told you, Alexander. We're going to go find Maman on our own. You know, the world is really big and really cruel, and there's no place for kids. We have to grow up quickly and help save humanity from the Titans. If you can't even leave Aunt Nunna and Aunt Euphie to go look for Maman on your own, how are you going to join the Survey Corps? You said you wanted to kill all the Titans. If you can't do anything on your own, how are you going to go up to those big monsters without peeing your pants, huh?"

"I can!" Brows furrowed together, he looked up at his sister with his lips set in a straight, determined line. "I can do it, I can follow Maman and Papa's foosteps. I can kill all the Titans, I can save humanity. I promised you, and I promised Aunt Nunna, and Aunt Euphie, and I promised Maman and Papa and everyone that I'm going to—"

Tears sprung into his eyes, and Alexander clutched his stinging forehead. Glaring at his sister, he swiped at the hand that had just painfully flicked him. She only ignored his weak attacks and poked him hard in the chest for each angry question.

"What did I tell you, Alexander? What did I tell you, huh?"

Tears streamed down his ruddy cheeks as his sister yelled, "What have I always told you, Alexander? Tell me what I've always told you. Tell me!"

"You.." he hiccupped, "you told me th-that there aren't going to be any Titans when I grow up."

"And why is that?"

He stared at the ground, studying the weak shoots of grass that was growing between the cracks of the cobblestone. Green strands of hair stuck to his face as they blew in the chilly autumn breeze. Shivering in the cold, he mumbled, "Because Papa will have gotten rid of them all."

"That's right."

Alexander blinked as his sister carefully wrapped a scarlet scarf around his neck. Marie loved this scarf – Maman had made it for her, and she never let anyone else touch it. There was never a moment that she was without it, it was so precious to her. So why…?

"Papa's going to save humanity, Alexander. I just know he's going to save us all. He's going to save me, and you, and Maman, and Aunt Nunna, and Aunt Euphie, and everybody. He's going to save us all from the Titans. So that's why you're not going to kill any Titans. Because Papa is going to save us all, so that everything can go back to the way it was."

She gently wiped away his tears as she softly said, "You know, Alexander, one time, I saw this book, right? And the book says that far beyond the Walls, there's flaming water, and land made of ice, and fields of sand spread wide. Can you believe that, Alexander? No one's seen it in hundreds of years, but I'm going to. I'm going to see the water and the ice and the sand. We're all going to see it – you and me and everyone. And you want to know the reason why we're going to see them?"

"Because Papa's going to save humanity."

"That's right! Papa's going to kill all the Titans. So that's why, Alexander, you're not going to kill any of them."

"But earlier you asked me how I was going to join the Survey Corps if—"

"I never said you couldn't join the Corps. I'm just saying that Papa's going to save us all because he's the strongest, smartest man in the entire world and that the Titans don't stand a chance again—"

"Don't tell me you actually believe that."

The sun must have hid behind a cloud because the temperature seemed to drop forty degrees. The two children shivered and subconsciously stepped closer to one another as they stared at into the coldest pair of eyes that'd ever seen. Even Marie shrank back in fear from the man's crazy gaze – pitch black and full of manic thoughts. He sneered down at them, his lips curled back in an ugly smile. Alexander glanced at the insignia on his uniform and hid behind his sister – the emerald unicorn.

It was the Military Police.

Marie must've also realized who he was, because she asked, "W-what's the Military Police doing here at the Survey Corps headquarters?"

"What's the Military Police doing here at the Survey Corps headquarters?" he mimicked in a high-pitched, whiny voice. The soldier burst out laughing when he saw the hurt in the girl's eyes – Alexander covered his ears with his hands. He had such a mean, screechy laugh, it hurt to listen to him, not to mention how frightening he was.

Thankfully – and unnervingly – he immediately stopped laughing and stared at them with a deadpan expression. "What are two children doing here at a place for adults?"

"We have more right to be here than someone like you," Marie stuttered. "The Military Police are full of dirty scum. They're nothing like the Survey Corps, who are all brave and nice people. You're just a coward who—"

"Marie."

Three heads snapped towards the stern voice. Alexander and Marie rushed to their mother, who stood in the shadow of the archways lining the courtyard. Hiding behind her legs, they peered at the scary man from where he stood with his creepy smile.

"Ceci darling! It's _so _wonderful to see you, it seems like it's been an eternity!"

Marie's expression darkened – no one but Papa was allowed to call Maman "Ceci." Especially _that _mean psycho.

Apparently their mother didn't like it either, because her frown deepened. She nudged them towards the door, as if she were trying to hide them. They obediently moved towards the door but never went inside and sat down on the stone steps. Watching. Waiting.

"What are you doing here, Mao?" Her voice was low but the hard, icy edge in her tone wasn't missed. He smiled as he said, "Aw, Ceci, don't be like that. Not when I came to deliver such an important message to you."

"What message?"

"What will I get in return if I tell you?"

"What message do you have?" she demanded. "Tell me now before I raise the alarm for trespassing."

"Oh, feisty. But that's what I love in my woman."

Her eyes flashed and Mao giggled. "Now, now, patience, and I'll tell you the important message."

Irritated, C.C. snapped, "What is it?"

He adopted a serious expression and cleared his throat before placing his hands on her shoulders. The hairs on the back of her neck rose, and she moved to shove them off, when he looked her right in the eye and finally told her what news he had to share.

"His Majesty, the King, has asked me to express his deep regret that your husband, Lelouch vi Britannia, the 11th Commander of the Survey Corps, was killed in action during the 56th Expedition beyond the Walls. Although there isn't much information on the cause of death, you will be further advised when more information becomes available. His Majesty, the King, extends his deepest sympathy to you and your family in your tragic loss."


	8. The Poisonous Vow

**The Poisonous Vow**

Fall of Wall Maria (pt. III)

* * *

She stood on the edge of Wall Maria, looking over the shops and houses, over the people who were nothing more than ants to her from her vantage point. The wind caressed her hair, just as he used to, and the memory of lying in bed with him, of him smoothing her hair as she rested her head on his chest and listened to him breathe, the memories of those little moments that had seemed so insignificant but were now memories that she held close to herself, those memories made her tremble as C.C. tried to fight the sobs building up in the back of her throat.

She had come here because she had wanted privacy after the way her life had just been thrown upside down and flipped inside out. She had wanted privacy to compose herself, to let the heartbreak and anger to run its first course, and its second course, and its third, until she had been purged. The only thing she was grateful for was that Nunnally and Euphemia had been there to take the children away. She didn't think she could have faced her children immediately after receiving the jarring news, and she was glad that her sister-in-laws had been there to take Marie and Alexander away on a picnic, where they could laugh and play and continue living in as bright of a world as they had lived in for all of their lives. Because even if she was only buying them time, even if it was inevitable that they learned what had happened, she at least wanted to be collected when they were told why their beloved papa wasn't coming back home. She at least wanted to be a solid rock for them, wanted to comfort them and be strong for them. Her children at least deserved that much.

So she had dismissed Mao, kissed her children goodbye, and sidestepped any and all questioning looks with barely-held-together dignity. Her hands had been clenched into fists, but she had held her child high as she briskly walked through the corridors of the headquarters to fetch her gear. She had managed to hold herself together until she had made it to the Wall.

Thankfully, the Garrison patrols were absent from where she stood. Even the trainees were nowhere to be seen. And so she stood, her back straight and her fists resting on the small of her back, as if she were in the presence of her commander. She was still as a statue for ten slow minutes before the first tear fell. And with the first tear, everything suddenly shattered: reality, her composure, and her heart.

C.C. tried not to cry. She knew that her husband wouldn't want her to, and she knew that death was something she should be familiar with and numb to as a member of the Survey Corps, but the pain she felt blinded her from everything. Her grief, so sharp and so agonizing, made her knees buckle and her lip tremble, but still, she fought to keep her apathetic mask on. She claimed victory as her own as the tears ceased to flow and she was left alone in the company of misery and an unbearable silence that painfully pressed on her ears.

She tried to imagine how he had died. And what Titan had been able to kill him. And she wondered whether he would have died if she had been there, what Suzaku had been doing at his moment of death, why no one had saved their commander. What she was going to do with the children. _How_ she was going to tell the children.

She'd have to tell Nunnally and Euphemia first. Yes, that was right. She'd tell them first. It was good to make a plan, to make a schedule. A schedule would keep her head out of the water, a schedule would give her something to do and something to distract herself with from her heartbreak. A schedule was good.

She'd tell Euphemia and Nunnally first, and wait for them to adjust to the news. Then the three would tell the children together - they would need as much support as possible, particularly Marie, who had always feared that her papa would one day never return from an expedition. She would wait until the Corps returned - if Suzaku was still alive, she'd ask him for the details of Lelouch's death. He would know and he would tell her everything, unlike the government, which would probably try to cover things up, especially now that the best and most talented commander in the history of the Walls had been eaten. In the meantime, she'd start organizing the funeral. Hopefully, they'd be able to bring his body back. If not, then there was no use in wanting something that she was never going to get - the only thing that worried her in regard to the body was Alexander. He wouldn't be able to understand why his father's coffin as empty, or if he did, he would refuse to understand why and cry for days on end.

At the thought of her children sobbing, tears streaming down their cheeks as they screamed, demanding to know what she meant by that Papa wasn't coming home, C.C. crumpled to the ground. She buried her face into her hands as the wails of her children filled her ears. Why? Why did he have to die? Why had he let himself be killed? Was it because of her? Because they had fought more than they had agreed? But even if they hadn't gotten along recently, it didn't change her love for him. She still loved him. She had always loved him. She wondered if he knew, and became afraid that he had thought she had hated him up until his last moments. She cursed herself - why hadn't she been more understanding? Why hadn't she told him more often that she loved him, why had she been so stubborn, _why had she been so stupid?_

She bit her lip as she berated herself. Why had she been so selfish? He had tried to make amends. He had tried to satisfy her as much as he possibly could, he had asked for some patience because had been so tired from everything, from fighting, from leading, from watching his men die and having to face the anger and broken hearts of the fallen soldiers' families. He had told her of the weight that had been burdening him. And though she had let him lean on her, though she had held his head in her lap, and though she had comforted him, inside, all she had been thinking about was how he had barred her from doing the one thing that she wanted to do most. She had been selfish and stupid - when the one she loved had needed helped, she had ignored him and had only thought of herself. How much more of a monster could she be? She was no different than the monsters that had taken her husbands' life. They were one and the same, she and the Titans. Nothing more than a savage who thought nothing of others and cared only for themselves, no matter the cost that others had to pay for her.

And the Titans… Oh, the Titans! C.C. hadn't been like some of the others. She hadn't been like Lelouch, who had had a personal agenda. But never before had she felt so much grief. Never before had she felt such strong hatred for the abominations - even when her home had been destroyed, even when Marianne had been taken, she hadn't felt such potent wrath. It consumed her. It was hot poison coursing through her veins, intoxicating her every thought with fury, resentment, and violence. Her despair slowly withered away, replaced by her outrage and her bloodlust. Her despondency numbed her and her hatred lent her strength; as the last of her tears splashed onto the cold stone of the Wall, C.C. rose.

Her hair had fallen out of the intricate bun it was usually tied back in, and the wind blew the loose strands as she coldly looked out over the horizon, looking all the more like the sobriquet that she had been bestowed by humanity - the Witch of the Walls.

She would wait. She would bide her time until the Survey Corps would return, and then she would leave with the rest of her comrades on the next expedition, whether it be authorized or not. Rules no longer mattered at this point. She had never particularly cared for them, and now, in the face of her vendetta, they were nothing more than dust.

Her hands curled into fists. C.C. usually wasn't one to let her emotions sweep her away. If anything, she had always been the level-headed, heartless one. But the unforgivable had happened, and she refused to let his death pass without retribution, without the realization of the dream he had dedicated, and in the end, given his life to. Too much had already been sacrificed. Too many lives had been lost, too much blood had been spilt, and too many tears had been shed for her not to carry on the torch, for her to forget. She loved him too much to let his memory die without granting his dying wish.

She would kill them until there wasn't one left standing, until humanity was free to return to roam the earth as they had been born to. She would free mankind - if her husband couldn't, then she would. And her crusade would begin with the death of the one that had started it all, with the death of the Titan that had pushed her husband to his death. As she drew her sword, she vowed to never rest until the gates were finally opened without the fear of being killed, until her children could finally see the flaming water and lands of ice that her daughter was always dreaming of.

She would save humanity and liberate it from its cage.

C.C. didn't have long to wait to reunite with the Titans - later that day, when the sun was high in the clear blue sky, Wall Maria fell to the Smiling Titan, who had returned once more to haunt humanity with its grotesque, blood-stained grin.


End file.
